Lost Dog

Missing since Sunday June 29, 2008. Color: Clear. Size: unknown. Lost while sleep-dog walking. Reward offered to anyone with any information.

That was the scene at my house in the wee hours of Monday morning. My husband played back to back golf tournaments on Sunday. I graciously offered to drop off and pick up upon his asking given the number of beers that would be consumed in a 14 hour day playing golf. The day started at 5:45am and we were home by 9pm. He seemed fine at first glance albeit a little sun dazed but boy was that a poor assumption. I hit the hay at 9:15 to read my book and he came up shortly afterward. The hideous snoring began shortly after that . I grabbed my favorite squishy pillow and departed to the couch downstairs with my loyal lab in tow (she hates his snoring too) in an attempt to get some sleep. At approximately midnight my loving partner comes clunking downstairs and proceeds to open our outer door and then turn on all the lights in our downstairs much to my dismay (see: seething anger). I forcefully asked what he was doing and he said he was letting the puppy out. He then proceeded to grab a huge bowl of his leftover Chinese rice, a bag of chips and come sit (on my legs) to wait out the puppy pee break. The funny thing is that the puppy is rather large now a days and can rarely make an entrance or exit unoticed and I hadn't heard him come down to the first floor. In frustration I grabbed my pillow and darted back up to the bedroom to yet again try and find a quiet place to sleep, lab as always hot on my heels. I open the bedroom door to find the puppy sleeping soundly. I then hear my husband awkwardly clapping and calling the dog outside. So being the sweet wife that I am I paused for a few moments and then called down to him "When you are finished walking your imaginary dog please shut off the lights" and off to bed I went. Suprisingly his dog hasn't been seen since. We had a follow up yesterday in which I discussed his future options (a 50 gallon drum and a large hole) if he chooses to disrupt my sleep again when visiting fantasy land. I think I drilled the point home.