Giant Leg.

So today I had surgery on my left leg. The jokey McSmurf doctor (who I love btw) decided to try to put me at ease and talk during my procedure. The statement "Wow you have really looong legs" was not what I wanted to hear as she was shoving a tube up one. I know completely gross! This is the first time in my life I have wished to be shorter well except for the year back in Junior High that I dreamed of being one of those cute little 5 foot nothing girls instead of a 5'9" awkward ostritch but that is neither hear no there. I am currently sitting with my leg wrapped in ace bandages and sporting a crotch high compression stocking making it several times larger than normal. It is hot and I know you are all jealous. It could be worse that is for sure. Well that is my exciting news for the day. I am on to my Christmas Card list. I may get them in the mail pre-New Year.

Shopping Wars

I felt the need to contribute this nugget spawed by Sarah's blog entry from the other day.

I hit up Les Marshalls last evening in Canton on my way for a desperately needed mani\pedi. I had been in over the weekend and had been eyeballing some flat black knee high riding boots. I instead left with some conservative J & D's to wear to a wedding shower. I couldn't forget about those boots as I am sure you taller girls can attest that finding a good flat can at times can be an epic battle.

Fast forward to Thursday, I was trying to figure out what to wear to my Holiday party scheduled tonight and thought the boots would be perfect so back to Marshalls I went. I entered with a direct purpose which was secure aforementioned black boots. I hit the shoe department and there she was, The Manipulator. I scooted around the corner of the first aisle of boots to see her smack in the middle blocking access to other shoppers while she picked through the inventory. She looked me up and down and became quite anxious when I was looking past her in search of the boots. She spun around and began scanning the shelves to see what I was trying to get to. I realized I had the wrong aisle and scooted over the the next. Just as I made it to the end of the aisle she came around whipping around the corner and attempted to put her carriage between me and the boot display I was already reaching towards (mind you there was only about 10 inches of space). I will not go in to the fact that people with carriages in the shoe department are a huge pet peeve of mine to begin with. She said "excuse me", smirked and inched her carriage forward, obviously delusional in thinking that I may possibly would move out of the way so she could move right in front of me. I was not going to be taken by this pathetic attempt to intercept the boots. I smiled and said "oh why of course and then proceeded to move so close to the shelving unit my ovaries were being squished into some aingers thus forcing her to proceed behind me. I pulled out my size (7.5 in case any of you would like to give the gift of footware) and she began talking aloud. Wow that is great price, nice leather. Annoyed I shoved my hoof into the left boot and tried to view it in the mirror, which she of course blocked. The manipulator was unyeilding but I was not about to fall victim. She then began some diatribe about me wearing trouser socks with boots, and wouldn't I wear thicker socks when actually wearing the boots around, and how it is best pratice to buy boots a size bigger. I did not engage as Mama didn't raise no fool. I knew I had grabbed the last in my size which must have also been The Manipulator's size. In her last failed attempt she tossed a thinly veiled insult my way by suggesting someone of my height usually has a larger shoe size and she was suprised I would only be a 7 and a half....I almost responded "Lady at 33 I think I know my shoe size now back off bitch" instead I bit my tongue rangled on my pump and headed out with my prize.

Crazy Dream

So say you had a crazy dream. You know the kind where you wake up a bit freaked out only to go back to sleep and continue the same dream almost from the place you left off....there is no spicey food, alcohol or recreational drug use involved.

I need a translation.

In my dream I came up on this carnival-like ride involving an airplane. I was going to be sort of the ride control person like the crazy one-eyed guy who makes the Himalaya ride go super fast so he can see you puke....I also neglected to mention that this airplane was not "ride-sized" but a full sized 747. I was given a list of details to execute the task of getting the plane to move back in forth in a slingshot type fashion at a 45 degree angle. I was not given all the details and was told to wait for the remainder of the information before commencing my job as Plane Captain. I sat and analyzed the ride for what seemed like a long spell and decided I could master it without any further instruction. So being cautious I asked the line of people queuing to board the plane to wait while I gave the first shot on an empty plane. I pulled this gigantic lever and the plane moved a few feet, similar to those kiddie rides outside supermarkets (the horse barely rocking). They booed me, so my husband who was looking on to this whole process yelled from the platform high above me "I think you need to crank it out a few notches to build momentum." I followed what proved to be his foolhardy advice, cranked the plane, pulled the lever and shot the full sized billion dollar plane off the ride chasis where it careened down into spikey Redwood Forest below finishing with a firey plume. I looked up and ridegoers were runing screaming and my husband said "You are completely F*cked" before he turned and fled.

I am dumfounded on this one....any ideas??

Neglect

Wow I have really been neglecting this site. I have been slightly addicted to Facebook of late so hit me up at bosnakedbootleg at GMAIL Dot Com if you want to be friends. I will be coming back to blogging soon though I miss it :)

Time Flies, Traffic Crawls.

Wow time really flies. This week has been insane between my workload and my horrific commute. I have come up with a theory on Rte 128 North. I have noticed that the traffic reports on both radio and TV they never mention the stretch of 128 between routes 95 and route 3. It is as if this traffic ladden section of motorway Real Estate doesn't exist. I am a little peeved about this because being someone who sits (rots) in traffic daily with MANY other people I feel the lack of representation to be rude. So on to my theories, there are two. Theory numero uno -- Waltham is in fact the hellmouth (aka Sunnydale) therefore it is better left ignored this includes all paths leading here for fear of angering some menacing evil. A little far fetched at first glance but I challenge you to ride 42 miles (each way) in my goodyears for a solid month during rush hour and reserve offering an opinion until the finale of that little experiment. Theory number two is less controversial. The economy is down and there is terrible news published daily everywhere you look. There is no positive spin to place on this stretch of roadway so journalists have been asked to cut it from their repertoire. Why add more negativity because honestly if there were to offer commentary the status would remain constant -- "Travelers driving Rte 128 North, sucks to be you" put of course on Auto Play similar to the Dharma initiative.

Ok so I am slightly bitter for having spent four hours and six minutes of my life in a car yesterday. This post was cathartic, I am over it now. On to happy Friday thoughts.....

Survey Time II

Rather than post the grumpy complaining post I had lined up I have stolen this from E. I think I got up on the wrong side of the bed. I became truly aggravated at the First Check drug test commercial on the radio enroute to work today. You must know the one with the annoying mother naming all the crazy drug slang (ie shabooShaboo) and her son mubling "No". Yeah I have a few choice words for the marketing person who greenlighted that little gem. But anyway, I digress on to the survey.

A. Attached or Single? Married to D Money. 9 Months and counting.
B. Best Friend? JC, Kell-Belle, and KC equally.
C. Cake or pie? Definitely Cake although I love Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream.
D. Day of choice? Saturday
E. Essential item? My laptop with V Card, Blackberry, Debit Card, Face Lotion, Lipgloss, Mascara, oh and my flat iron. I couldn't live without any of these.
F. Favorite color? Blue. Green being a close second.
G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms.
H. Home town? North Easton, MA.
I. Favorite indulgence? Mani and Pedi's.Pedicures. I am alson known to get a quarterly massage and facial.
J. January or July? Given the terrible choice I guess January, new year fresh start things like that.
K. Kids? Not Yet.
L. Life isn’t complete without? Something to look forward to. **Completely stolen from E but so very true.
M. Marriage date? November 3, 2007.
N. Number of brothers and sisters?1 Sister and 1 half Sister.
O. Oranges or Apples? Apples
P. Phobias? Heights, Snakes and Fire.
Q. Quotes? What you do speaks so loud, I cannot hear what you say. --Ralph Waldo Emerson. Oh and "Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you are an asshole" --C.Mondor
R. Reasons to smile? My family and my health. My dogs draw out some giggles daily.
S. Season of choice? Fall my absolute favorite time of the year. Fresh Air, Beautiful Colors, Great Hair and fantastic sweaters :)
T. Tag 5 people. I am not really in to tagging.
U. Unknown fact about me? I chose a profession with mainly men because I get easily annoyed with women. This is professionally only, in my personal life I am a girly girly through and through.
V. Vegetable? Zucchini
W. Worst habit? Hmm I have many terrible habits.
X. X-ray or Ultrasound? I just had an ultrasound on my leg a few weeks ago.
Y. Your favorite food? Cheesburgers, Buffalo Wings and Ice Cream. Granted I hardly eat any of these things for fear of becoming the size of a house but they are my favorites nonetheless.
Z. Zodiac sign? Libra
Z. Two z things that I hate: Zamboni's and Zepplins.

Survey Time.

Stolen from Caity

1) In five words, explain what ended your last friendship? She was crazy evil.

2) How was your prom night? Fine, nothing special.

3) Do you have any famous relatives? No but everyone thinks my Uncle looks like Ted Williams.

4) Have you taken out loans to pay for college? No my parents were genrous for part and the rest was hard work.

5) What did you receive last in the mail? Credit Card Bill :(

6) What beverages have you drank today? Water, Coffee, Diet Pepsi

7) Do you leave nasty messages on people’s answering machines? Nope I prefer to tell you to your face what I think.

8 ) What’s the most painful surgical procedure you’ve had done? No surgeries to speak of yet.

9) What is out your back door? grill, Table with Umbrella\Chairs, Deck, Patio, Questionable Grass.

10) Do you usually go out on the weekends? Half and half. I can be a bit of a homebody at times.

11) Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? Strange question, but no.

12) Have you ever visited a planetarium or do you even know what one is? I went to one when I was little

13) What is your favorite flavor of pudding? Tapioca

14) Describe your keychains: just a key ring with a house keys to my place, a key to my parents' house, my car key, and cards to the gym, Pet Smart, CVSand Stop & Shop, and old mercedes tag from my old CEO, a master key to my office, a key to the security safe at work, and a pen.

15) Where do you keep your change?Ina big bucket in the bedroom or the bottom of my purse.

16) When was the last time you got up and spoke in front of a large crowd? I gave a backup\security tutorial last quarter and spoke at a management conference.

17) What kind of winter coat do you have? I have too many coats. I go with the standby charcoal pea coat 80% of the time.

18) What was the weather like on your graduation day? Sunny

19) Do you sleep with the door to your bedroom open or closed? closed, keep the dogs coraled.

20) Is there anything purple within 20 feet of you? Nope

21) What is the strangest thing you’ve put in the microwave? Nothing I can recall. Maybe a sponge because someone told me it kill bacterial.

22) Can you speak any Japanese? not a lick.

23) Do you look good in the color yellow? not especially

24) Do you spit or smoke? DEFINITIVE NO

25) What is your favorite color(s)? blue and green

26) Ever played an instrument? does a recorder count?

27) Do you believe in Bigfoot, or Sasquatch? no

28) Ever been to a palm reader? Yes

29) Did they tell you the truth about your future? Umm strangely enough they told me my soulmate was a Red Head only to come true 16 years later.

30) What are you thinking about at this very moment? My best friend's baby shower tomorrow and some other good news I recieved from my other best friend.

31) Have you ever received a black eye? No

33) What are some of your favorite drinks? water, diet coke, WINE, Michelob Ultra

34) Do you have anything that hurts on your body at this time? My hips from running in boot camp.

35) Have you ever ridden in a taxi? yes

36) What is the last alcoholic drink you had? Jack Daniels and Diet Coke.

37) Did you do anything special last night? Nope. Cooked Dinner, Played with Dogs, Read, Went to Sleep.

38) What is your very favorite food? Hands down a cheesburger.